Sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter your age, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Male sexual violence abuse is any unwanted or non-consensual sexual act performed against a male adult or child at any time in his life.
It is difficult to know the true prevalence of sexual offences against males. While it is generally estimated that 1 in 6 males will experience an unwanted or abusive sexual experience in their lifetime, For the year ending March 2020, the Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that 155,000 men aged 16 to 74 years experienced sexual assault (including attempts).
A new report into gay and bisexual men`s experience of sexual violence by SurvivorsUK found that almost half of this cohort had experienced sexual assault. Research was carried out by Survation who were commissioned by SurvivorsUK found that of those who reported experiencing sexual violence, nearly 40% felt that they could not tell anyone about it. The rates for reporting to the police were low, with only 14% of respondents who had experienced sexual assault saying that they had reported it. Of these 14% respondents, nearly a third said they felt disbelieved or like their complaint wasn`t taken seriously. Other key findings included that over a third of gay and bisexual men reported experiencing sexual assault in a bar or a pub.
Despite these statistic, males are more likely to suffer in silence as there are significant and multiple barriers to them seeking help. Notwithstanding sexual abuse and rape against males being one of the most under-reported crimes, for those who do disclose, some come forward immediately, while many may not disclose until decades after the abuse took place. The effect of not disclosing abuse can mean a life damaged by past suffering. Those working in SARCs have a unique opportunity to demonstrate to males that help is available in their community, to support them at the moment they ask for help and enable them to access further support.
What are the common reactions men may experience?
Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted may experience the same effects of sexual assault as other survivors, and they may face other challenges that are more unique to their experience.
Some men who have survived sexual assault as adults feel shame or self-doubt, believing that they should have been “strong enough” to fight off the perpetrator. Many men who experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault may be confused and wonder what this means. These normal physiological responses do not in any way imply that you wanted, invited, or enjoyed the assault. If something happened to you, know that it is not your fault and you are not alone.
Men who were sexually abused as boys or teens may also respond differently than men who were sexually assaulted as adults. The following list includes some of the common experiences shared by men and boys who have survived sexual assault. It is not a complete list, but it may help you to know that other people are having similar experiences:
- Anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, and eating disorders
- Avoiding people or places that remind you of the assault or abuse
- Concerns or questions about sexual orientation
- Fear of the worst happening and having a sense of a shortened future
- Feeling that you no longer have control over your own body
- Feeling on-edge, being unable to relax, and having difficulty sleeping
- Sense of blame or shame over not being able to stop the assault or abuse, especially if you experienced an erection or ejaculation
- Withdrawal from relationships or friendships and an increased sense of isolation
- Worrying about disclosing for fear of judgment or disbelief
Why don`t men speak up?
Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many of the same feelings and reactions as other survivors of sexual assault, but they may also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity.
Feelings of self-blame and credibility issues may be an explanation why men victims decide don’t speak up. Society’s stigma, the cultural norms, and the stigma of homosexuality act as catalytic generators that restrain male victims from disclosing experienced sexual violence.
Unreported sexual violence is also closely linked to fear of not being believed, treated in a negative manner, blamed, or not considered. Male victims of sexual violence experience shame and stigma, and they have not received assistance, support, and professional help to recover from the trauma. Male victims encounter stereotypes about rape and gay men, to recover masculinity.
Who are the perpetrators of sexual assault against men and boys?
Perpetrators can be any gender identity, sexuality, or age, and they can have any relationship to the victim. Like all perpetrators, they might use physical force or psychological and emotional coercion tactics.
I`m worried my sexual orientation will be affected after being sexually assaulted.
Sexual assault is in no way related to the sexual orientation of the perpetrator or the survivor, and a person’s sexual orientation cannot be caused by sexual abuse or assault. Some men and boys have questions about their sexuality after surviving an assault or abuse—and that’s understandable. This can be especially true if you experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault. Physiological responses like an erection are involuntary, meaning you have no control over them.
Sometimes perpetrators, especially adults who sexually abuse boys, will use these physiological responses to maintain secrecy by using phrases such as, “You know you liked it.” If you have been sexually abused or assaulted, it is not your fault. In no way does an erection invite unwanted sexual activity, and ejaculation in no way condones an assault.
Supporting male survivors
It can be hard to tell someone that you have experienced sexual assault or abuse. You may fear that you will face judgment or not be believed. For many male survivors, stereotypes about masculinity can also make it hard to disclose to friends, family, or the community. Men and boys also may face challenges believing that it is possible for them to be victims of sexual violence, especially if it is perpetrated by a woman. Below are a few suggestions on how you can support a man or boy who discloses to you that he has experienced sexual assault or abuse:
- Listen. Many people in crisis feel as though no one understands them and that they are not taken seriously. Show them they matter by giving your undivided attention. It is hard for many survivors to disclose assault or abuse, especially if they fear not being believed because of stereotypes about masculinity.
- Validate their feelings. Avoid making overly positive statements like “It will get better” or trying to manage their emotions, like “Snap out of it” or “You shouldn’t feel so bad.” Make statements like “I believe you” or “That sounds like a really hard thing to go through.”
- Express concern. Tell them in a direct way that you care about them by saying something like “I care about you” or “I am here for you.”
- Do not ask about details of the assault. Even if you are curious about what happened and feel that you want to fully understand it, avoid asking for details of how the assault occurred. However, if a survivor chooses to share those details with you, try your best to listen in a supportive and non-judgmental way.
- Provide appropriate resources. There may be other aspects in men’s lives that could limit their ability to access resources and services after experiencing sexual assault or abuse. For example, trans men may face barriers when navigating medical care or black men may have concerns about reaching out to law enforcement. Be sensitive to these worries, and when supporting a survivor try your best to suggest resources you feel will be most helpful.
Help and support:
Supporting male survivors of sexual violence
Men – The Shores (the-shores.org.uk)