Regardless of age, gender, or sexuality, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.
The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity and you may blame yourself for what happened. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, you may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
As rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and other forms of sexual violence can affect your physical, emotional, and mental health in various ways, engaging in self-care can assist in addressing some of these effects.
For instance, specific self-care practices can offer support if you’re dealing with flashbacks, sleep disturbances, anxiety, or panic attacks. With time, self-care can also contribute to the healing of both your body and mind from the trauma you have experienced.
As a victim or survivor of rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse of other sexual violence you may find self-care challenging because:
- You may be used to using other coping methods that are less safe or healthy, for example drinking alcohol excessively or self-harming. Although these coping methods may give you short-term relief or happiness, they can be difficult to stop doing them and cause you more harm in the long term.
- You may have feelings of shame or blame yourself for what has happened to you, and it is these feelings that can cause you to feel that you `don’t deserve` self-care. Remember that you are in no way to blame for what has happened to you and it is not your fault. Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth. And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, it will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first.
- You are feeing low or finding it difficult to cope, you might feel like you don`t have the energy for self-care, if this is happening to you, try breaking bigger tasks in to smaller ones, or finding other things to do that is more appropriate to your energy levels such as having a shower or making a cup of tea.
Additionally, many people find self-care challenging and it can be difficult it is important to remember to make tome for yourself. Changing habits is never easy can you need to allow time. Self-care can be particularly difficult if you are feeling stressed, low, upset or anxious, however it is even more important during these times.
Remember that self-care should make you feel safe, healthy and comfortable and not overwhelmed or stressed out.
Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others:
- volunteer your time.
- reach out to a friend in need.
- or donate to your favourite charity.
Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online groups or 24/7chat services.
It’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your feelings of helplessness, shame, defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem, with these tips and techniques, you can come to terms with what happened, regain your sense of safety and trust, and learn to heal and move on with your life.
Quick Tips on Taking Care of Yourself
- It’s very common for a sexual assault to leave you with strong emotions, try not to bottle up your feelings, try keeping a journal.
- It`s ok to get upset when talking about your experience, talk it over with someone you trust when you feel ready to do so.
- Try to get back to your usual routine, such as going to work or college and take care of yourself by eating regular meals and taking some kind of exercise – it can lift your mood and help you to sleep.
- Include enjoyable activities such as watching a film or going for a walk with friends, but also make time to rest and think.
- Avoid drugs and alcohol as this can numb difficult feelings but can stop you from coming to terms with what has happened.
Looking After Your Body
- Stay hydrated
- Eat healthy
- Sleep
- Exercise
- Try yoga
- Pamper yourself
Managing sleep problems
Sleep disturbances can frequently occur following a traumatic event. When your mind is on constant alert, drifting off to sleep can become challenging. Help and support with sleep problems, can be found here:
- Try to avoid heavy food and don’t drink caffeine in the hours before bedtime.
- Take time to relax in the evening. You could do this by having a warm bath or by listening to music.
- Avoid reading or watching anything that might remind you of the assault, particularly when you are already in bed.
- Only go to bed when you feel tired, but get up at the same time every day, even if you haven’t slept, so your body gets used to the same routine.
- Try not to nap.
- Use breathing exercises and relaxation exercises to help drift off to sleep but if you haven’t fallen asleep in 30 minutes, get up and do something quiet and calming until you feel sleepy again. Tossing and turning in bed is likely to keep you awake.
Managing tension and anxiety
Being hyper-alert is your body trying to stay on guard against danger, and is completely normal, but the symptoms can sometimes get in the way of everyday life.
- Try different things to relax, such as listening to music, watching TV or reading, breathing exercises or yoga.
- Exercise can be a good way of relaxing and switching off.
- Distraction from your memories can help, but can also be unhelpful if you do it all the time.
- Anger is a normal response to feeling threatened but also when you feel you should be coping differently. If you are feeling angry or irritable, try to talk to someone about how you feel – let people know you’re having a difficult time and they shouldn’t take it personally but understand why you might be feeling this way.
- Try to notice when you are becoming angry and walk away from the situation for a few minutes. Remind yourself that you can calm down and give yourself time to think about how to respond. Try to stay direct, but polite. Controlled breathing and relaxation exercises can also help.